When the funcioning falls short from the actual abilities

To support an autistic individual whose level of functioning falls short of their actual abilities, it's important to introduce simple yet profound tools into daily life—tools that can gradually create meaningful change. One of the most powerful among them is establishing a simple, clear, and predictable daily routine. Even for adults, not just children, routine offers a sense of safety and regulation. When the day is structured in advance and includes a clear division of activities, breaks, and defined times, it provides a sense of control—and the body can begin to relax.

Within this routine, large and overwhelming tasks can be broken down into smaller, more manageable steps. Instead of saying, “Maybe you should look for a job?”, it can be more helpful to break the process into simple stages: choosing a resume template, opening a document, writing out basic information. Each small step that’s completed is a victory—and in this way, the individual begins to experience genuine success, rather than facing expectations they currently can't meet.

Emotional communication with the person is also crucial. Often, well-meaning family members try to encourage with phrases like “Don’t give up!” or “Just try anyway,” but sometimes, it’s the simple act of acknowledging the difficulty—without judgment and without rushing to solve—that truly opens the door to connection. When a person feels truly seen, even in their stuckness, their motivation to move forward can grow.

It's also important to allow the individual to take part in setting their own goals. Instead of steering them toward what seems “reasonable” from the outside, you can ask: “What would you like to change?” or “What might help you feel a little better?” Questions like these help restore a sense of ownership over their life—even if it begins with very small steps.

Another key aspect is reducing overwhelming sensory or emotional stimuli in the environment. Sometimes noise, bright lighting, unexpected tasks, or transitions between places create sensory and emotional overload. Together, you can identify which situations cause stress and think about simple accommodations—noise-canceling headphones, a quieter space, or a slower pace before transitions.

And finally, it’s essential to bring joy—not just functioning—back to the center. When a person is invited to engage in nourishing activities—music, art, games, gardening, regular walks, or anything that sparks a positive connection with themselves—something inside begins to soften. The activity doesn't have to be “productive” or “useful”; it just has to remind them that life can be worth living.

Recognizing small successes along the way is also incredibly important. A person who left the house, went to the grocery store, answered a phone call, or cooked a meal has taken a meaningful step. When family members learn to see and celebrate these moments as worthy of praise, a renewed sense of inner worth begins to grow.

Ultimately, true support isn’t about pushing someone forward—it’s about creating a quiet, safe, patient, and loving foundation. From that ground, a person can begin to flourish—not because they were pressured to, but because they’ve found a reason to grow.