What Does It Feel Like to Be a Sibling of a Child with Special Needs?

Being a child or a teenager is already complex, but when there is a sibling in the family with special needs, an additional layer of challenges is added. Children who grow up alongside siblings with special needs often become adults with deep empathy, patience, and exceptional emotional maturity. Over the years, they tend to display impressive responsibility toward their sibling, and often become key figures in providing support, learning, and connection for their special brother or sister. Many children with special needs admire their siblings, learn from them, and love them wholeheartedly.

But alongside all of that, it can also be frustrating—sometimes even more so than dealing with “typical” siblings. A sibling with special needs might break things more often, be highly dependent, make loud noises, or behave unpredictably. There are family limitations—where the family can go, how often, or how attention is divided among the children. Siblings may feel embarrassed or hesitant to invite friends over because of their sibling's behavior.

In such families, it's important to acknowledge that every emotion is legitimate—even anger, frustration, jealousy, a sense of injustice, or discomfort. When parents are able to recognize and make room for these feelings, they become more manageable. But when emotions are dismissed, silenced, or labeled as “wrong,” they can turn toxic, erupt in extreme ways, or resurface later in life.

A child may experience a complex mix of emotions toward their sibling with special needs: on the one hand, a desire to protect, offer friendship, and provide security. Sometimes there is also enjoyment in being admired or in holding a central role in the sibling's eyes. On the other hand, feelings of pity, anger, sadness, or even aggression may arise—feelings that can bring with them shame or guilt.

Children who feel they receive less attention may start to feel less loved or less important. If they see that their parents are primarily focused on the special sibling, they might develop beliefs like “It’s not worth asking for help” or “I shouldn't be a burden.” They may adopt an overly mature persona, feeling they must always be responsible. Some may develop a fear of failure—because they don’t feel they have “permission” to disappoint. Others may withdraw inward, suppressing emotions and needs so they won’t feel guilty for also needing something. Over time, this kind of emotional burden can lead to anxiety, depression, or a damaged self-image.

Growing up alongside a sibling with special needs is a challenging path. But in the long run, it can also shape a deep, sensitive, and mature personality. Parents are encouraged to maintain open communication, make space for each child, and schedule one-on-one time with each of them. Every child in the family deserves to feel loved, important, and valued—simply for who they are.